Posts tagged personal.
I havent really been speaking for myself here
But after a conversation I had recently,I just really feel the need to do this. More so to order my thoughts than to offer anyone an explanation.
the early blogging days
me and sill are laughing at our myspaces
i somehow managed to remember the login and got in
Some fancy about me thing:
LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE
- Name: Vanessa
- Eye Color: Brown.
- Hair Style/Color: black, goes a little passed my shoulders, i have the worse hairline known to man so i stay away from pulling my hair back like ever. So i almost always have it down with a side part
- Height: 5’3 and a half
- Clothing style: it varies, i usually wear a lot of black, i’ve kind of stopped caring really? so i dress mostly for comfort, i’m perpetually in skinny jeans converse and tees but i reaaallly like wearing tunics/long tees and leggings. when I actually try to look nice i look like your average goth i guess
- Best physical feature: tits honestly
LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE
- Your fears: being alone
- Your guilty pleasure(s): i dont really have any
- Ambitions for the future: owning my own residence, and opening up a cafe
LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS
- Your first thoughts waking up: hopefully today goes well
- What you think about most: sex and the future
- What you think about before bed: ^^
- You think your best quality is: loyalty probably
LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?
- Single or group dates: group
- To be loved or respected: Respected.
- Beauty or brains: Brains.
- Dogs or cats: dogs
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
- Lie: rarely
- Believe in yourself: most of the time
- Believe in love: yep
- Want someone: in general yes, a specific person no
LAYER SIX: EVER?
- Been on stage: yep
- Done drugs: like twice
- Changed who you were to fit in: never.
LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES
- Favorite color: green
- Favorite animal: dogs,
- Favorite movie: harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban
- Favorite game: btw pokemon crystal and skyrim
LAYER EIGHT: AGE
- Day your next birthday will be: August 4th
- How old will you be: 21 [woooooo]
- Age you lost your virginity: 17
- Does age matter: Not where consenting adults are concerned.
LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL
- Best personality: i like someone who is just as chill as I am, and is open about stuff and has a good head on their shoulders. the kind of person that levels out my wackiness
- Best eye color: green.
- Best hair color: Idon’t really care.
- Best thing to do with a partner: fucking of course
LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE
- I love: drarry fics?
- I feel: apathetic at the moment.
- I hide: nothing at all.
- I miss: them.
- I wish: i had money/ a job.
I’ve come to the point where I realized that every thought/idea and thing that I do has no importance or significance to anyone other than myself
Hell, I’ve realized that for a while now.
And like, it’s not I ever thought I was the center of the world. And for the most part I would say I live for myself.
But still, realizing that no one gives a shit is a little bit weird. Earth shattering really.
No one gives even the slightest of fucks and I’ve been having the hardest time dealing with that revelation.
I know the universe is huge and what not…but knowing that you as insignificant as one ass hair on the grodiest hermit in the most remote place in the world hurts a little bit
I SWEAR I ALWAYS HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE SUSSEST OF PEOPLE
WHEN WILL IT STOP?
fucking shit man. I am not going to rip your throat out if you dont want to talk to me
wow the hoops people jump through in order to keep up guises and false pretenses. what does it take for people to understand that i respect truth tellers, i’m far from irrational. i’d prefer for it to be known if things cant be dealt w/ instead of attempting to placate me with falsities. There is no need to bullshit me, i find this kind of shit so disrespectful and it drives me crazy.
is it bad that i love my name because it’s racially ambiguous?
always have, even when i was little
i remember the dirty looks on my teachers faces when they tried to pronounce other kids names, and i was was just thankful that they didnt screw their faces up all ugly and butcher my name during attendance *shrugs*
and idk but i’ve avoided putting my last name on here for some reason? i just feel apprehensive about putting the entire thing out here. iunno but it’s pretty plain. like very
so i’ll be in jamaica by the weekend
so i just got a call that my grandfather died.
I don’t know how to feel about it. He was 103, had prostate cancer and has been senile for a good 5 years and pretty much deaf for more than a decade. And I only met him like 3 times, but now i feel like the biggest of turds because i didnt go w/ my parents to jamaica and i didnt see him before he died
the fuck even?
what am i doing?
this is how i get into trouble.
stupid ideas are forming
stupid stupid stupid
i feel like a pretentious twat
final essay for my english class is supposed to be about a ‘product of culture’ so we have to dissect a specific art piece of some kind (film, dance, music, theatre w/e) and i figured it would be best to go with music
and he makes us write proposals before the essay for last minute guidance, but bluh, I ended up going on a tangent about all the ~ obscure super cool sub-genres I liked~ and I was basically all ~woe is me, I’m so cultured, look at all of these things that I like that you’ve probably never heard of~ ~gosh I’m so cool idk which one to choooose!~
more blatant reminders that i walk my path alone.
im just tired. i really am. i have so much faith in people, and i keep expecting the people that matter to me to help hold me up
and i keep getting straight shat on
no one is here
OH MY FUCKING GOD
we’re not doing this again
no no no no no